Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Can't Fight The Feeling

Not much better today! I tried to get involved in working on my music, but my brain just refuses to cooperate. Drank a bottle of wine and am working on a glass of brandy, and still...nothing. Everything inside is like scrambled eggs that are extra scrambled.

I had better get it together. We have what we call a "pre-tour" coming up. Basically, it's a shortened version of a real tour. We do that when we want to try out new music on an audience without wasting time traveling the world. Instead of mixing old and new, we play only the newest music to smaller crowds at small venues around the mid and southeast.  This way we get live feedback on what works and what doesn't. I don't know any other bands that do this, but it works for us. It's not long, so it takes little money and the gigs are short without our elaborate stage set, so ticket prices are low. It gives those who may not get to see us in the larger venues a chance.

Generally, I am excited to get on the road in any capacity, but even today I just couldn't seem to find enjoyment in that! I think this is called depression. All I wanted to do today was lounge around in front of the fireplace with my dog and cats, munch on nachos, and forget the world existed.  I know, depressing, huh?

Edna kept bringing me food, saying "Nachos are no good for ya!"  She even allowed me my favorite tuna sandwich.

I can't believe tomorrow is the last day of the year! Another year come and gone and what have I done? Same old same old. Look at other guys my age (that aren't rock stars that is)... Many are married. Hell, even Bruce is married, and he's our lead guitarist! But me, I have no interest in settling down. I have not even called Jessica.

Seeing HER... the mystery woman... two days ago, has not left me. Though I have "known" her my whole life, for some reason her presence grows stronger in my heart. I don't know how else to explain it. I know I am crazy and belong locked up, but when I have not seen her for awhile, life almost seems to appear normal. And then I see her. The mixed up emotions get stronger each time and it takes longer and longer to get over her. Yet, I can't tell anyone.

I had better get back on my game tomorrow. The songs for the pre-tour and ensuing album are coming up soon.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll

If you can't handle the truth of life on the road, then don't read this.

Sex, booze and rock and roll. I don't do any kind of hard drugs, a little weed once in awhile after a show to unwind. Unlike many famous musicians, drugs were never my gig. My entire life has been spent in mass delusion all on its own, so why would I?  Drink, on the other hand. It helps unwind me. I don't smoke cigarettes (quit in 2008). My voice is important and made me millions. I'm not about to compromise my livelihood.  As for sex, well...

I have to admit it. I'm a sex addict. There is nothing that calms the nerves like a good roll in the hay with a perfectly gorgeous woman! On the road, it's easy. One or two a night, move on to the next city. Two or three, move on again. I keep a list on my cell phone with a photo file. I can never remember names. They are in alphabetical order by city. Some have red X's beside them. Those are the chicks to steer clear of... to make sure they do NOT get backstage passes! I keep my road manager in charge of that one. He knows my type, if I have one. I prefer dark hair. And dark eyes. I have black hair, but my eyes are blue. Like  silver blue, which is weird, right? Sometimes I wear brown contact lenses just to appear more "normal."

Being the 'front man,' the women flock my way anyhow (plus, Bruce is loyally and sickeningly married, Stephan has a gal (for now) and Adrian... well, we're never sure what his deal is. Is he gay, is he straight, somewhere in between? We don't really know. We've never seen him with anyone at all. He is married to music and that seems to be what gets him off. He is shy and prefers to stay behind his drums. Maybe all that rhythmic banging is compensation for something. We tease him mercilessly on the road, but he never talks).

Back on subject, after all the confusion last night, I really needed a "fix." I couldn't call Jess because she was part of the problem. Living out here in Aiken, SC, there's very little temptation, which is part of the reason I moved out here as opposed to living along the coast where the rest of the band reside. I like my private life, and though I do bring girls home, and sometimes they find me, most of the time it is just me, Edna, the animals and the house staff. Most of the songs I contribute are written right here at home and if I allowed my addiction full rein here I'd never get any work done. So, I ride my horses, choreograph sword fights I can later use onstage, and work on music to get out any frustration.

Tonight, however, none of that would do! So, I went out to a local bar. I'd never been there before, but I was recognized immediately and ushered through the door to a prime location and free drinks. Normally, I don't want the attention on me, but tonight I did. And I got it. Several gorgeous brunettes raped me with their stares. The hell with it. I brought two of them home! They just left, as I didn't want them sleeping in my house all night. I had my driver bring them wherever they wished to go.

At least that released a bit of tension. Perhaps tomorrow I will call Jessica and see if she wants to get together and go out again.  What is it about that girl??

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Dazed and Confused

I feel like a page from a Led Zeppelin memoir. "Dazed and confused for so long it's not true..." What is true and what is delusion?  "Wanted a woman, never bargained for you..." So, who did I bargain for? Jessica, whose company I enjoy, who is music to my eyes... Or HER... the mystery woman who seems to grasp hold of my heart as well as my sanity every time I see her?

I saw her again today. I really have to learn to avoid mirrors more, but it's rather hard to shave and groom oneself without that stupid reflective piece of glass!

I wasn't even home this time, however. I was with the band, recording at a studio in Charleston. I went to the little boy's room and when I was washing my hands, I looked up into the mirror.

"Aw Fresh Hell!!"

She looked beautiful. Not that exotic, big breasted beautiful like Jessica. Actually, this lady, who seems as familiar to me as seeing myself, is plain in comparison. But her extraordinary long auburn hair hung in a single braid pulled to the front and she wore a blue tunic that looked like something from a Documentary on the Middle Ages. It was belted tight over a very slender waist. As a matter of fact, she is quite petite. But, every time I see her, I am lost. I am gone. I cease to exist. I have no idea who I become, but it's not the me I am accustomed to seeing.

So, now, I have Jessica, a physical flesh and blood woman I seem to be hitting it off with quite well, and then this... delusion? But how can a man feel for a delusion? All I know is that I have some thinking to do. I don't quite know what it is I need to think about, but the confusion in my mind and the tornado of emotion running through me tell me I cannot just let this go.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Twitter and Other Things

I can't believe I am doing this. I really wish Adrian and Stephan would leave me alone about all this technology crap. I have never been much into high tech. Other than my cell phone and laptop, I haven't thought much about going into the whole techy thing. Now they want me on all these social media sites. They said all the stars keep up with fans in this way. So, to shut them up, I started a Twitter account.  https://twitter.com/DanesDarkMyst

Not really sure how to keep up with all of this, but I see by many of my cohorts they manage to do just fine.

First order of business. The band is working again on some new music (when are we not, right?)  Hey, it's a strange life but it's a job and pays us well. haha

Second, I saw Jessica again last night.  Yeah, our first night together was pretty wild and we "consummated" our friendship that night. What I had not expected was the next day when we awoke and had breakfast together and got to talking! Edna had her famous "southern scrambled egg dish" all made up with grits and coffee.

I really like Jess and we have quite a bit in common. She's a history buff and book reader like myself. We are both animal rights advocates, we are both atheist, and she likes my sword collection! Yeah, ok, that last one isn't a deal breaker. But, it means we have a lot to chat about. So, tonight, I took her out to a nice dinner at the Prime Steakhouse. I had the Sea Bass and she had the Salmon. So, we are also seafood lovers.

Starting to wonder. Could she be the one to tame this wild stallion? I don't know if that's possible.

Friday, December 27, 2013


I cannot believe I slept the day away. I didn't wake until after 2 in the afternoon. When I did, the only warm body in the bed beside me was my dog. I rose and threw on a pair of jeans and wandered downstairs. Edna was in the kitchen, as she often is, since she is my cook and head of all the help in my house.

"Merry Christmas, Mister Dane," she said as I wandered, yawning, into the kitchen. For a moment, my brain thought it was actually Christmas, but then I remembered that was yesterday, I had been at Stephan's party and met a gorgeous lady named Jessica. I remember little else, except the magnificent sex. Ok, ok, I don't want your kids reading that, and I have to keep this blog rated at a low level... I know lots of teens listen to our music and attend our concerts... perhaps they read this blog?

Jessica! Yes, she had left while I slept, but Edna explained. "She came down and introduced herself. Did you even get to know this girl or was it all physical?" She said the statement like a mother reaming out a teenage son. But, that's Edna... my "second mother." Edna knows everything about me... and I do mean everything. More than my own mother. She even knows the full extent of my secret--all my secrets.

Anyway, she continued, "Your friend Jessica said she had to get to work and to tell you to call her." At that, Edna offered a little chuckle. She also knows that my experience with women tended to last no more than a night, maybe two if they impress me.

And Jessica had impressed me! Not just in bed. But, I recall something about her work and feeling as if I wanted to hear more. I was too drunk and high to recall details, but I remember feeling like there was more to this girl than her looks and talents in the sack. She did leave her phone number, so, in rare fashion for me, I think I will call and see if she would like a proper date.

Later in the afternoon, Stephan called. At first, he screamed at me for "stealing his gal." But, as it turns out, he had makings on her as well. I just got there first. I told him she wouldn't have been interested in his ugly mug anyway! He knew I was joking... well, sort of. haha.

Well, I actually hope to see her again. I think I'm in like... no really, but there really is something special about her!

I will let you know if I hook up with her again.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Long Day, Is it Bedtime yet?

Hello fans.

I went to Stephan's house for what turned out to be a pretty wild Christmas party tonight. As I write this, there is a pretty gal asleep (or should I say, passed out), in my bed upstairs. I met her at the party, which boasted about 300 people! When Stephan throws a party, it is no small affair. Of course we were all there, Bruce and his wife (of course), myself and Adrian. As usual, Adrian came alone.... what's his deal, anyway?

I didn't exactly go there with any expectations, but this very beautiful woman with long flowing dark hair, striking blue eyes and the biggest natural breasts I have ever had my hands on, was there. A friend or fan. I've had too much to drink to remember which.

She introduced herself as Jessica. Pretty name... and I can't believe I remember. 

We both had a bit too much to drink, but since I left the car in the garage and had my limo take me to the party, I didn't have to worry about driving. Long story short, Jessica and I ended up back here in my house. After some crazy sex (which I will keep secret except to say this girl is LIMBER), she passed out but, as usual, I cannot sleep. I need more of that! So, in a few minutes I will go upstairs and see if she is awake! 

Never mind waiting. The thought of her has me needing to head up there now. Later dudes!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my fans.  It's a chilly but sunny day here (for S. Carolina). The band has taken the day off from working and recording for this most important of days, which makes me think of the question, what does Christmas mean for you?

For me, it means spending time with family, friends, loved ones. Since I'm an only child, and have no children (and not sure if I ever will), my family literally means my parents, and aunts and uncles and cousins, of course. But also my band mates and, to some extent, Edna (my housemaid or whatever the politically correct term is for it these days), and my pets.

I am not much for decorating, but Edna had a few of the house staff put up some wreaths on the front doors and one huge one on the barn.

The rest of the band is spending the holiday with their families.  I am a non-native here in the south (as is Bruce... he is from NY), and since I already visited my parents in CT last month, I did not go up there.

Though I DID send them a big box full of gifts. Their house, of course, will be highly decorated as my mother is very big on holiday decor.

Later this afternoon, Bruce is having some shindig at his house, so I will head out there. He lives on the shore, about 2 and a half miles from me.

Hope everyone has a very merry whatever it is you celebrate. I'm going to go have a tuna sandwich since Edna is off today, and sit by the fireplace in the library and read the latest book I picked up recently.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Scary News Article

I have two horses and other pets because, as long as I can remember, I have always been a big lover of animals. On my property in South Carolina (in horse country), there are many small lakes and ponds. Though it rarely gets cold enough for a long enough period of time here for icy lakes, it can get cold enough to offer a thin layer that can be deceptive. Fortunately, my pastures have no bodies of water bigger than the heated water troughs.

In any event, this article and the video embedded in it must make one think to be cautious with water areas, unless you live in the tropics.


Last week three yearlings lost their lives in KS when they fell through ice. Oh my!

This is one of the horses that fell through the ice and was rescued in MO.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

The Strange and the Lonely

I'm sure it's no secret by now that I live in Aiken, South Carolina. I get a lot of letters from fans asking me about my childhood, since I really don't speak of it much.

The truth is, even though I was raised in a very normal suburban area in Connecticut, my childhood was anything BUT normal. I have a secret, a big secret, and just mentioning this fact, I'm sure, will get far too much media attention. And since I refuse to reveal the entire secret, there's little more to tell. But I will try to skip around the private part of my existence and tell you what I can without landing me in the loony bin. (though, if you read this blog regularly, some of my secret was revealed a bit back. But that's all I will say on it).

Ok, I grew up in Stafford, CT, living not too far from the Speedway. I was never really too big into cars, though I did like speed (not the drug). Whether it was visiting a race track with horses or speeding cars, I was hooked on watching things move fast.

When I was 14, I worked in the pit crew of a friend, helping to change tires, check engine fluids and more. I also worked for short times up at Suffolk Downs, a completely different atmosphere than engine exhaust, fuel and burning rubber. Horses, unlike most speed car fanatics, I found just as amazing and fascinating as the metal machines with horse power.

Music, though, is what kept me out of trouble--actually it helped keep my mind off that little secret I refuse to talk about. Yeah, it's a secret that affected every part of my life and made me who I am today. Though, sometimes I wonder.

Ok, so that's the "Dane Bainbridge confession of the day."  I will leave you with that... and some food for thought. Don't fret the small things in life. Trust me, there are far worse, more dangerous things out there than you can imagine. Not in your wildest nightmares. Stay ignorant my friends. You'll be much happier that way!

Signing off. Time for some shut eye. My dog is in my bedroom, warming up the bed, even though he is not allowed on it. I have to go kick him off to make room for myself. Early morning again at the studio. All new material I think the fans will love.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

My new car and other things

As  sit here alone in this huge house (which seems so much bigger after spending a few days in my parent's modest Cape), I can hear the rain tapping on the windows. I had an interesting time visiting CT over the holiday. I am not sure I will be able to make it up there for Christmas, as the band is going to be very busy recording and getting ready to go on tour.

My new car will be coming Thursday! I'm really excited. She's a beauty!

Yet, for some reason the rain is drawing out my melancholy. I have a glass of sweet red wine sitting here beside me and if I smoked, I would probably be having a cigarette. I quit smoking 5 years ago because it was affecting the quality of my voice. Friends of my family's have died from lung cancer, an absolutely terrible and debilitating way to pass. Though I was never a heavy smoker (ie, never more than a half pack a day). I do on occasion indulge in a "social cigarette."

Tomorrow I have to drive two and a half hours to Bruce's place on the shore and his home studio so we can go over some tracks. I am going to have to get up early and finish the song I have been working on or I will hear it from Bruce.

Well, it's already midnight here on the east coast of the USA, so I think it's time to head off to my beloved bedchamber (I seem to have picked up that word lately and I don't know where it came from. Maybe I read too many history books), get undressed and fall asleep to the pitter patter of rain drops.

I will talk to you soon, my fans and friends. Have a very good evening. I will leave you with a photo of one of my cats.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

No regrets?

This weekend was a very strange one. I stayed with my parents in CT for the holiday weekend.  While out running an errand for my mother Saturday afternoon, I was standing in line at the convenience store. I should mention going out in public can be a hassle, even in the small town where I grew up--especially in the small town. Everyone knows everyone!

Anyway, I had my hair tied back, a baseball cap on my head (Red Sox of course), sunglasses and a full winter jacket with the collar pulled up. While I waited in line with bread and milk for my mother, I heard someone behind me clear their throat. I didn't turn around. I wasn't even sure it wasn't an actual throat clearing.

Then I heard a female voice. "Dane?" Oh boy! Though she did not sound like a fan. They generally address me as, "Oh my GOD, you're Dane Bainbridge!"

I turned around. Behind me stood a very pretty blonde. Even beneath her bulky winter clothes, I could see she was quite fit. I prefer brunettes, or red heads to blondes (unless they are real blondes).  I smiled. "Hello."

"You don't recognize me," she said and a frown did not look good on her pretty face.

Uh oh! I had to search my memory and fast. I meet so many women, I cannot be expected to remember them all, can I?

"It's me," she said, "Tracy!"

Tracy... Tracy... Hmm...  Holy crap! THE Tracy? I had not seen her since I was 18 years old. I had been dating her best friend, who coincidentally, happened to be named Traci but with an "i."  Tracy was one of many regrets I had in life. Though I loved Traci, she was average, a little bit overweight, and I didn't have the highest confidence back then (what man who is delusional and sees people in mirrors would be?) Okay, forget I said that!

In any event, fantasies of Tracy got me through many a night, whether I was in bed with Traci, or alone. I may sound shallow, and maybe I am, but looks matter to me. I think they matter to everyone to some extent, but most people aren't willing to admit it. And so my girlfriend's best friend became my "food for fodder" so to speak.

Long story short, after we paid for our items, we stood outside the convenience store in the cold, damp air and talked. It turns out, she felt the same about me. I confessed my "sin" of wanting so badly to... fu*& her. But I felt she was too good for me. Now, she admitted felt the same about me, but didn't want to hurt her best friend (who, incidentally, she no longer has much contact with).

But it was too late now. She was married, loyally, and had 2 children. We parted ways with regret in our hearts for a past that could have been, but was gone now never to return.

Needless to say, my next stop was the liquor store and I spent last night getting drunk and trying not to think about what I could have had.

Is there a moral to this story? I guess there is, but it's for you to figure out what's the moral in your own life.

Oh look at me, Dane the philosopher.