Thursday, October 23, 2014

Relaxation... Or Not! Fifty Shades of What???

Hey, it's me... your favorite sex addict schizophrenic rock star, Dane Bainbridge... at least I hope I am your favorite. I've been writing this blog thing for a few months now and I am not really sure if anyone's reading it, which is okay because I have turned this into my personal diary and reveal things I don't think I would want the media to find out. They have enough of a field day with my "schizophrenia" as they call it.

Here is today's topic.... sex. Oh, what a surprise. Yes, I am drinking. Of course I am. I am not on tour right now, so what else is there to do (and even when I am on tour, what else is there to do? Don't answer that!)

Actually, when I came home from tour I met this girl named Katrina at the store (Yeah, I did her... hard. LOL)... anyway, we were lying in bed and she kept talking about this novel called "Fifty Shades of Grey." She wanted to do some pretty kinky stuff based on this book.  I am not really the kinky type, except for a few safe "excursions" here and there.  I had never heard of this book so I didn't know what it all meant. After she left, I decided to go and buy this book. I have read, I think, the first 2 chapters and I am bored already!!  I will give it a bit more time to get better. How exciting!  This Christian Gray fella sounds like a real control freak loser if you ask me. What girl with any self worth would put herself in such a position to be dominated in such a way?  Hey, I may be addicted to sex of all types, but it has to be completely mutual. And no tie downs unless the girl asks for it specifically. I'm a horse guy... tie downs are for horses, and not in a sexual way.

I don't know... I am a sex addict, but the romantic type. Katrina wanted to try some things she read in that infernal novel. I let her have her way a bit here and there, but I drew the line at gagging and whipping... with real whips.

What do my fans think of all this? Have they read this book? Do they think it is over the top or do they like it? Let me know.

By the way, if you're really hot... I like in Aiken, SC, toward the south-west edge of Hitchcock Wood. :-)    Just look for the Gothic Revival mansion with a spider web wrought iron gate, long drive, and a stable out back.