Thursday, December 11, 2014

Being Sick, Being Bummed.

I am still sick. Since it's moved into my throat, I can't sing. There's nothing more disconcerting to a singer than opening their mouth only to have a squeak come out. More rest. About the only thing I did today, besides work on my music (on the piano, no singing), was to spend some time with my horses. I also went out for a bit to the store to get some wine, vodka and tequila, though I have not touched a drop in 2 days. I have spent far too much time in the bathroom due to all the tea I've been consuming. And honey. I think I can keep the honey market in business. I tried it heated, which is very soothing.

To add insult to injury, I opened a magazine and saw a photo of my ex, Jessica.  I felt a sudden sadness and emptiness. When she lived here, the house seemed full and my bed never empty. I did not even realize I missed her. But it's times like this when the house is so empty and I am alone (other than a bunch of cats). God, how pathetic is that? Coming up on my 30th birthday and I am already an old crazy cat lady!! That was another thing Jessica and I did together. As both animal people, we helped shelters, did charities and rescued cats.

She took her two cats when she left but I still have my six. And my dog. He's always at my side and I adore my pets, but Jessica was a much better conversationalist.

I guess I was so angry at her for leaving, I let myself forget. I can't say I am in love with her. I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know! But if I have to describe love, then what I felt for Jessica came close.

Well, my throat had better heal within the next few days. We have much rehearsing to do and I need to be able to sing!

I may not want to admit it, but I do miss Jessica.

I wish I could see her again. If only to understand where we went wrong. Okay, I get it, I slept with other women, but in my defense, Jessica was just a girl I was sleeping with who moved into my house. I had no intentions beyond a roommate with amazing benefits. Maybe I made a mistake.