On Tour. Lonely, Though Surrounded by People

I don't write much on this anymore. I really see no point. By now, all my fans have read the news, read about my "abduction." But none know what I truly lost while I was gone all those months. For me it was mere days. For the world several months. I aged, the world aged. Yet she does not. Even if she had survived, she would be the same. My forever beauty.

Those that took me, those that tortured me, those that nearly killed me. Still, the scars they left on my body cannot compare to the scar on my heart.

The band is on tour now, traveling from one city to the next. What used to be fun, exciting, a new conquest in each city, is now just a job. A chore. There is no mirror reflecting her image, keeping the loneliness at bay!

I miss the long ginger of her hair, the scent of the wooded lands that clung to her like a welcome home. I miss talking to her, her innocence and her fascination with all the tiniest things in this world that we humans take for granted. She wanted so to see them all, to feel, smell, taste every experience this world of ours has to offer.

If I could return to her world, to change what had been. To know. To take down the threat that took her in my stead, I would try. I would succeed. And she would live on, though I would have perished. Yes, I would gladly have taken her place.

I wish I had more to offer, my dear fans. I still love you all. Bear with me. My life is upside down right now. I hope you will understand. It took months to be able to get dressed, much less leave the estate.

I finally needed to get the dirge I wrote for her out and into the public. "My Timeless Love" has become an instant hit.

Being Sick, Being Bummed.

I am still sick. Since it's moved into my throat, I can't sing. There's nothing more disconcerting to a singer than opening their mouth only to have a squeak come out. More rest. About the only thing I did today, besides work on my music (on the piano, no singing), was to spend some time with my horses. I also went out for a bit to the store to get some wine, vodka and tequila, though I have not touched a drop in 2 days. I have spent far too much time in the bathroom due to all the tea I've been consuming. And honey. I think I can keep the honey market in business. I tried it heated, which is very soothing.

To add insult to injury, I opened a magazine and saw a photo of my ex, Jessica.  I felt a sudden sadness and emptiness. When she lived here, the house seemed full and my bed never empty. I did not even realize I missed her. But it's times like this when the house is so empty and I am alone (other than a bunch of cats). God, how pathetic is that? Coming up on my 30th birthday and I am already an old crazy cat lady!! That was another thing Jessica and I did together. As both animal people, we helped shelters, did charities and rescued cats.

She took her two cats when she left but I still have my six. And my dog. He's always at my side and I adore my pets, but Jessica was a much better conversationalist.

I guess I was so angry at her for leaving, I let myself forget. I can't say I am in love with her. I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know! But if I have to describe love, then what I felt for Jessica came close.

Well, my throat had better heal within the next few days. We have much rehearsing to do and I need to be able to sing!

I may not want to admit it, but I do miss Jessica.

I wish I could see her again. If only to understand where we went wrong. Okay, I get it, I slept with other women, but in my defense, Jessica was just a girl I was sleeping with who moved into my house. I had no intentions beyond a roommate with amazing benefits. Maybe I made a mistake.

Partied Out and Sick

There is not much worse as a singer than getting sick, especially when it has to do with your throat... and when you have a tour coming up!

Stephan held another one of his parties last night. I didn't stay as late as I normally would have, though I took the limo so I wouldn't have to drive out to the coast in case I decided to over do it. As it happens, I could feel a cough coming on, so I left about 1am and came home for tea, Advil, a hot bath and sleep.

I wasn't feeling too badly today. I worked at home on a new song most of the day, did some reading, watched a movie, took the dog for a walk. There's been quite a bit of rain coming through as of late, so the horses have been staying out of sight and mud is always an issue, but dryer weather is coming.

Once I am gone out on tour, Edna's family moves in here and they love the horses. My stable help knows all the ins and outs of my horse's care, dietary needs, etc. The kids can ride the older horse with adult help, but no one is allowed on Camelot. my imported black Andalusian. He's just too hot and I don't want anyone getting hurt.

Tonight, I feel like total crap! Apparently this cold or whatever illness is creeping in has decided it likes me.  We still have 2 weeks before the tour starts, however, so I am sure I will be fine by then. But for now I definitely noticed some issues during my warm-ups ... my mey-me-ma-mo-moo ... as we call them in singing, were a bit off today!  More tea!! With honey!

Tomorrow I rest my voice with lots of Vit C and more tea. I hate drinking so much warm tea, it makes me have to piss all the time. But, at least I had no alcohol tonight! Just a few at Stephan's party last night....

Don't you hate cell phone photos when you're trying to get some rest because you don't feel so hot!

Quite suspicious, Adrian looking particularly girlish handing out flavored vodka from a fancy carafe 

Stephan was wasted!

Bedtime people. Gotta get my beauty rest so my voice can heal!

Night!!

I am Not a Chick Drink Drunk!

Today was one of those days we call a "band business" day. That's a day when all we do is... well, band business. We're getting our shit together for the tour.

Sitting in the studio, waiting, I had my bottle of red wine and a glass. Hey, what the fuck's wrong with pouring into a glass? Is it more "manly" to drink from a bottle?  I used to drink rum and flavored vodka.... But when I couldn't get my pert ass out of bed to get to rehearsals and sound checks, I switched to wines. I have a wicked sweet tooth anyway and I have enough sweet wines to hold me day by day.

Adrian was drinking some concoction of Bailey's and Schnapps.

So, Bruce tells me I'm a "chick drink drunk" because I drink wine. Shit... I prefer to see it as a higher class of the male species! Of course he said nothing to Adrian... the guy's prettier than many of my fucks anyway!!  So I guess it's ok he drinks girl drinks.

One of these days I am going to lay Bruce flat if he keeps it up. I knew he was only teasing to release tension. His wife is dangerously close to her due date (which is around New Years) and we're leaving again. I felt we should postpone this tour until after the baby is born, but hey, what do I know? The new album is selling well, and he wants to get out there to make sure we stay chart toppers. He and the managers are boss!

Adrian caught in the limo. Hmm what's he thinking?

Two weeks left until the tour. The buses are getting all their safety and maintenance checks, as are the trucks that haul our stage sets and equipment.

Completely off topic, but I have develop some weird rash on my hand. Just my left hand so get your minds out of the gutter! It's mostly on my fingers, but itches so badly, I have managed to scratch the skin off without thought to what I was doing.

Of course, Edna, my ever loyal housemaid and caretaker, put some sort of voodoo on it... I don't know... she is originally from Louisiana and she called it a "home remedy," but seems like a voodoo potion to me. As long as it doesn't turn me into a frog, I'm ok. HAHA!   That's funny. Of course I do not believe in voodoo or curses, or any of that!

Although, I was cursed by a hearse once. No shit! I parked beside a big hearse once, thought nothing of it, even took a photo. For the whole next day everything went wrong!!! I called it the Curse of the Hearse.

Cursed Hearse

Ok, early morning. More "band business" tomorrow.

Night all, my fans! Sleep well and have lots of sex!

Party Time!

At the moment I am at a party. I'm a bit lit up like a Christmas tree, so don't mind my grammar. We are at Stephan's home. He wanted to have a Thanksgiving party for the band, crew, fans and all. He let me use his computer... in his office, away from the crowd. I will tell you why.

There are a lot of fans here..., women fans. Stephan is great for pulling them in. I have been harassed all night. Not that I mind a good lay or two with a very willing fan... but there must have been ten women hounding me as if I am the Dali Lama all night. I guess I felt a bit "overwhelmed" and I have already done 3 women tonight since I arrived. I'm out of condoms and I am tired. I want to relax with the band, friends... I cannot believe I am saying this... no sex, just drink and converse! I took a few photos for those fans that couldn't be here tonight.

Bruce hangs with party goers.

Adrian knows how to party with fans

Not sure where this one came from... I am in the back!

Stephan's party... think he could look a bit happier?

This is the party before the tour. In this way, fans who can make it get as chance to meet us, they get autographs, they get to talk to us and more... It's difficult on the road, especially with a packed tour. Often fans get insulted if we rush away, don't sign autographs, don't meet them. But you have to understand... we do 1 or 2 shows a NIGHT. As the lead singer, this can take a toll on my voice. I try not to talk too much on these short tours. I drinks lots of tea with honey. I keep my vocal cords limber with exercises. I need a lot of rest!  I hate when I have to walk by fans and only sign a few programs, shirts, etc. and leave more behind.

Please understand we are exhausted. Just like you, we are only human.  We work hard for you, to give you the best show, the best experience possible. So, Stephan hosted the party this year, for the fans. Often, we have it in a hall. This year at his home... a very unique deal.

As I said before, this will be a short tour. We will have no time for Meet & Greets this tour. Some will get the usual backstage passes and we will of course meet those fans. There's always something of a get together after each show. Then it's on to the next venue.

So.... as I am a bit drunk, on Stephan's computer, and ready to fall asleep, I am going to head away. I will stay overnight here tonight, so no worries about driving home the 2.5 hours back to Aiken. The tour starts in a week or so....

See you all on the road!!

Not a Normal Life

It's not like my life has ever been normal. But today pushed the boundaries of that normalcy beyond even my limits. Since the Jag is still laid up, I took the Ferrari out to that new music and book store I told you about previously. Of course, since today was the release of our latest CD, which stupid me forgot because Bruce the slave driver has me working furiously on this new song, I walked into this store unprepared. A storm was brewing. Then I walked in and found my own face right smack in front of me on one of those cardboard displays, but what was worse... the huge TV displaying one of our music videos in concert. Ugh. I generally would disguise myself with brown contacts and my hair up in a baseball cap. All I wanted was a book for Christ's sake. A little time to be a human.

I ran to the back of the store to the History Department. Anyone who knows me knows how I love to read history books.  I didn't even think, I just grabbed some leather bound book off the shelf to hide my face. I still felt like I was being watched!

Long story short, this old lady accused me of being dead!! How the hell can I be dead when I am right here?? I guess I resembled some guy she knew back long before I was born! WTF!

After leaving the store, in my car, I thought I saw "her" in the rear view mirror, but when I looked, I saw only myself. Phew.

To make a strange day even stranger, I bought that book and went home to finish working. After being reprimanded for my tardiness on getting this song done, Bruce left.  Christ, the tour isn't for another month! And it's a short tour.  But Bruce is so on edge because his wife is so close to her due date. He nearly snapped my head off, though, when I mentioned postponing the tour. He wouldn't have it.

I finally was able to relax in my library with my dog and read.  What the hell happened after that, I can't explain very well. Words can't compare. I read a passage about some knight way back in the 17th century in England.  I got dizzy, and the strangest feelings came over me. I swear I had only one glass of wine. Nothing else!

There's something in my life that is complicated and cannot be explained through rational means. I just do not yet know what it is. The rest is such a blur. Now you know why I feel that I am crazy and keep much of this stuff hidden. I've been lucky the media doesn't find this blog or they'd have a field day. Not that rock stars aren't well known for being nuts, but this is a whole different type of crazy.

Some weird revelation came to me tonight about that knight I read about in the book. But, it must be just my imagination playing tricks, right? I was in my room when it came to me. After, I went down to the kitchen for a glass of wine! Now, it's after 2 am and I need sleep!

Welcome to the bazaar life of Dane!!!

New Book Store, Life on the Road and Sex

Sex always gets people reading. I can't blame them. It's the greatest thing on earth. But y'a ll already know who I am and that, besides music, my next biggest hobby is sex.

And I love to read. Especially history books. Well, tomorrow is the grand opening of a new music and bookstore here in S.C. (despite the bad weather of late. T-Storms today, lots of flash flood warnings). It also happens to be the release date of Dark Myst's new CD. I plan to visit the store for some new books. With a few tour dates coming up,  I will need some reading material. The others get on my ass about the amount of books I bring on the bus, but I have not embraced those 21st century e-readers yet.

This will be a complete bus tour.  It is short--a continuation of the summer's tour--only a month and a half.  I am not crazy about spending over a month on the road, new city EVERY night, not having a decent bath at a hotel. But, we won't have time for hotels in this particular tour. It's the bus all the way. Since Bruce made sure we have a brand new bus for just the four of us, I am hoping he also ordered a decent shower. I prefer baths, but one cannot be picky on the road.

Buses can have luxuries. Showers are rarely good. 

I miss home, I miss my animals, but look forward to traveling. Sometimes I get more rest on the road than I do at home. When home it's all work, recording, getting everything ready, marketing, etc. On the road, it's mostly sitting around while driving from state to state, watching movies, reading, talking, planning and playing games. You'd be surprised how much silence there can be with just the four of us on one bus. We are often engrossed in our own interests, warming up, going over songs, writing songs, texting (the others more than me), watching movies and reading (that would be me).

I spend a lot of time in my bunk, getting rest. I like to relax in there in private, curtain closed, and read or watch a movie. Or take a nap. I like to be very prepared and awake, but the drone of the road makes me tired.

Since Bruce banned fans on our bus while moving, I have to get in what I can when I can in my bunk. Not always a comfortable situation. But sex anywhere is better than none. I do prefer hotels.

Our new bus has many comforts and luxuries we didn't have before, so I am rather excited to travel in it. I have not even seen it yet. I guess there's a nice lounge in the back with a big HDTV and all the stations we could want. Good. I like to watch fantasy movies and certain TV shows. I am not a big fan of "reality TV" except this show called "My Cat From Hell" with this interesting character, who claims to be a musician by night and a cat behaviorist by day!

Well, off to bed. I have a song to finish that Bruce wants to put on the set list for the tour. I have a few changes I have to remember to the rider as well (for those who are confused, the rider is a list of those things we band members want on the road... food and such).

Check us out on tour!!!

Accident, Mirror Lady and Band News

So much going on right now, I don't know where to start. You will have to excuse me, it's been a rough week and I have drunk more than my normal dose of wine tonight. It is amazing I can type. Anyway... someone plowed into the rear of my Jaguar today!  There was a bit of fog. I was stopped waiting for the truck in front of me to turn when I heard the crunch and felt the jolt. No one was injured. My car took a bit of damage in the right rear bumper, but the other guy's insurance will cover it.

In other news, I was reminded today why I stay away from mirrors. She came to visit again today... it was as if she knew I had been in an accident, and even though I wasn't hurt at all, the stress of going through all this insurance bullshit is a pain. Now I must rely on the new Ferrari and that car is not always practical to drive wherever I wish to go.

The band is recording again, but I cannot tell you what we are recording, as all of it will be on the next CD. This will be the 2015 tour. Like I mentioned before, we have a few more U.S. dates in December then we take the holidays off. Adrian always returns to Romania for the holidays, Bruce spends it with Caitlyn, Stephan has his mom, dad and siblings. Me... I usually go back to Connecticut and spend time with my mom and dad. And that is what I will do this year. I leave the 21st and return back here the 30th.

I have a few concerts I want to see while I am in New England. Small time stuff, indie musicians and bands. Amazing how much talent is yet to be discovered. If no one was ever "discovered" who would make it?

Might as Well be Home

Hello all. I cannot believed the weather here in South Carolina lately. I might as well be home in Connecticut--I think it's actually warmer there. We've been having exceptionally cold weather down here. I want to go back to Greece!

No, actually, I am quite happy to be home. Touring is an evil necessity of being a rock star. Ok, it's not hugely evil. I meet many gorgeous ladies and seeing new towns is... well, ok, so I never really get to SEE the towns as we are always either working or sleeping! Once in a great while I get to play tourist.

So, a few photos of the band from a photo shoot in Europe.

Me

Adrian

Stephan

So, now that we are home for a short time (we will be doing the last leg of our USA tour in December), I have time to sit back and NOT relax. Writing new songs for future gigs and albums. More work in the studio. Yada Yada. Nothing you will be interested in.

Anyway... my 30th birthday is next month... so strange. 30 years. Wow. I feel old.  Then again, Bruce, who will be 40 next year, thinks I am a baby.

OK, I am going to go pass out now. More maybe tomorrow! What do I have planned?  Not sure really.

Later......................!

Uh... New Tour Bus?

I was informed today that Bruce is selling our existing tour bus (he makes these decisions and never consults with the rest of us) and ordering a new, state of the art, personalized rig.I am starting to worry about his use of our money! Except he's always been really good about making sure we have enough of everything. He works exclusively with our managers and accountants. Me, I have no money sense. I get paid, I am happy. My "paycheck" covers my expansive estate, my cars, my animals, keeps food on my table and pays for my help. What more can a man ask for? OK, sex. But I get plenty of that... yeah, can always have more!

Well, apparently, according to Bruce, this new bus will be much more comfortable for the 4 of us. It has 3 sliders, so when parked it's like this mini house! Something like 900 square feet or some such. Doesn't sound all that big to me, but bigger than the one we have used for the last 5 years. This new bus has better sleeping quarters too. Only 4 bunks instead of 6. So more space per bunk. Cool. He said we will each have a nice TV screen with DVD and satellite in each bunk, plus hook ups for anything we need to plug in (computers and such... get your mind out of the gutter). Good... plenty of room for TWO, if you get my meaning.  Okay, all you gorgeous brunettes.... come see me in my bunk. You can line up one by one or two by two... I can take it! Hah!

Bruce told me he ALMOST had a private bedroom built at the rear of the bus for himself and his wife!  That would leave the rest of us with bunks, not bedrooms. He said since we are all single and he is not, and he is older than we are, it made sense. (Bruce logic) He also knew we'd be pissed off if he did this. If we have to sleep in bunks, he does! At least they're bigger, though... and he said the mattresses are made to fit our sleep requirements (I need a super soft mattress where Stephan  prefers a bit firmer). It's almost like "Sleep Number" for bunks. hahahaha

Anyway, he placed a nice lounge in the back with a huge TV and very comfy seating. He knows I love movies and hate leather, so the sofas are of a fine suede rather than cold leather, and the TV is huge with every station known to man!! I should kiss Bruce! Tours will be much more fun.

Of course, for him, he added a separate area for composing and working and even recording. He is such a workaholic, I don't know how Caitlyn deals with him! Well, she is expecting their first child, so I guess she has no choice.

Ok... more photos for the fans..... (though I still don't know who Adrian's fans are... he's so "mysterious."  Any fans out there know what his deal is? Please tell the rest of us. Inquiring minds want to know).

Stephan enjoys playing it up for European Photo shoots....

As does Adrian... Showing off his androgyny.

Bruce, Candid

Enjoy your weekend, fans and folks......

Home for Now

We arrived home to a deluge of rain and storms. Fortunately, my property didn't receive any damage, other than a small tree down by the barn. I guess farther west they weren't so lucky. I saw on the news about tornadoes killing people and damaging storms. I admit that's always been a fear of mine since moving south--they do tend to have much more severe weather down here than I ever remember from growing up in New England.

Anyway, it is nice to be home where I have only 2 mirrors in the whole house, very little worries, where Edna makes all my favorite foods, and I can go for midnight rides on my horse or cuddle in front of the television with one of my cats and my dog.

I am heading to my jacuzzi now for a nice long bath and spa, hoping that will kill this jet lag and allow me to get some shut eye.

A few tour shots.... Enjoy!

Me (night in Spain)

Stephan reheasing

Adrian... just being himself

Bruce caught unawares

Have a great night. Stay safe!

The Gullibility of Humans!

So, while touring this area, including Romania, we visited a small village in Serbia that is proported haunted by a famous vampire. According to the tales,

villagers in the tiny western Serbian hamlet of Zarozje, nestled between lush green mountain slopes and spooky thick forests. They say rumors that a legendary vampire ghost has awakened are spreading fear — and a potential tourist opportunity — through the remote village

"The story of Sava Savanovic is a legend, but strange things did occur in these parts back in the old days," said 55-year-old housewife Milka Prokic, holding a string of garlic in one hand and a large wooden stake in another, as an appropriately moody mist rose above the surrounding hills. "We have inherited this legend from our ancestors, and we keep it alive for the younger generations."

Vampire legends have played a prominent part in the Balkans for centuries — most prominently Dracula from Romania's Transylvania region. In the 18th century, the legends sometimes triggered mass hysteria and even public executions of those accused of being vampires.

Sava Savanovic, described by the Zarozje villagers as Serbia's first vampire, reputedly drank the blood of those who came to the small shack in the dense oak tree forest to mill their grain on the clear mountain Rogatica river.

The wooden mill collapsed a few months ago — allegedly angering the vampire, who is now looking for a new place to hang his cape.

Some locals claim they can hear steps cracking dry forest leaves and strange sounds coming from the rocky mountain peaks where the vampire was purportedly killed with a sharp stake that pierced his heart — but managed to survive in spirit as a butterfly. 

Darko Vojinovic/AP

The legend of Sava Savanovic has been passed down over many generations in Zarozje, Serbia.

Personally, I am amazed at how gullible people can be (no offense).... believing in things that just are not there! Like religion and God and Angels and ghosts and all that stuff people need so badly to believe in that their mind actually sees and believes!!! I guess if that's what they need to believe to get through their day.... There have been times I wish I could believe in God again... I was raised Roman Catholic, and brainwashed into believing in what I now see as a cult. But, I got out. I thought for myself. I looked at the cold, hard facts of life. And I realized it's just us and nothing more!

Sorry if this goes against your beliefs. Not my intention to insult anyone. If it gets you through your day, then fine.  And for sure vampires do NOT exist!! I mean, really... Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, etc.  The famous authors made up these creatures based on myths. Just fiction!

I must say I am fascinated by all sorts of culture, history and beliefs. Even if it makes no sense!

Romania--Home for Adrian

We are in Romania now. I tease Adrian all the time, since this is his home. Perhaps I will get to the bottom of his "deal."   As anyone who has followed the band knows, we have always wondered about Adrian.  He is so androgynous in appearance and mysterious about his personal life.  We've played the usual pranks on him... anything to get him to reveal what the hell he is. I mean, yeah he's male, but what's his deal? We think he's like into everything... men, women, B&D, S&M and all the other letters associated with anything kinky.

We're not sure if Adrian is straight, gay, bi or anything in between or around!

The problem is that Adrian has never showed even the slightest hint, even in 10 years, as to what he is... No girlfriends that we know of, no boyfriends. No... nothing. Is there a way to find out what's behind this mysterious drummer?

Stephan and I have been having quite a bit of fun out here in what we call "Dracula land" ... of course Adrian doesn't like that. He is Romanian after all, born here, left for the USA at age 14. It's funny... his accent gets stronger every time we get here. I hear him speaking his native language to locals (of course I can't understand one word) and though when he is on tour or in the United States, his accent is barely noticeable, but here he sounds like a vampire of olde, "Good Evening..." (think Dracula). I think he lets his guard down when he is home.

Stephan warming up before a gig.

"Bună ziua" That is Welcome in Romanian. That's about all I know, other than how to ask for wine.

Feeling Empty Without Her

It's 06:45 here in foggy England. I can no longer get back to sleep! I sit here on the floor with this tiny computer on my lap, drinking warm wine from last night and feeling empty inside.

I had slept fairly peacefully, until I was woken by that mother of all urges we all get in the middle of the night.... need to hit the loo.

When I came back out, however, the street lights that shone in my hotel room window revealed movement in the mirror over the dresser, and when I dared to peek, I saw her... Quickly, I snatched a robe off the chair and covered myself. Since when have I ever been shy in front of the ladies? But this one is different. I mean, where does she come from? Why is she there? What does she want? Is she really there at all, or in my mind?

As usual, I couldn't draw my stare away! She was standing in sunlight, which seemed to shine through the mirror and strike me. I could see the reddish glow along my body and even along the top of the dresser, mating with the lights from the window. Very strange. She reached her hand forward and touched the glass.... yet she was not in the room with me... as if looking at me from the other side of a window! I took a step forward and saw a tear in her eye, and why this moved me so much I still can't explain.

She was there perhaps a minute and then her image flickered and faded away. I realized I had been holding my breath! As I released it out, I felt dizzy so I slumped onto the floor, the robe in my lap. After a few moments, I grabbed this little computer and started to write this entry. Just had to get this out! My brain is boggled. I just want to sleep and feel normal again.

England and Bonnie Scotland

We've arrived in England. I do not know why, but something about this country always makes me feel odd. I cannot describe it. Have you ever had a dream that felt so real you could have sworn it happened even after you woke? It's something like that, except this is no dream!

Anyway, I rarely get time, but when I do, I like to visit at least one local sight, so I took a trip to Stonehenge. I think at least 5 women followed me out and I went home with one! She was finer than frog hair--Mmm!

Why must fans always snap photos? Not the best picture, as most aren't--she took me by complete surprise as I came out of the loo!

In any event, we are in the UK for a few days, then off to Spain. I prefer to stay in the hotel in that country. The women are gorgeous, of course, but many of their recreational activities involve animal abuse, which I am wholly against. Bull fighting, running of the bulls... what do these people have against bulls already?

In October, we will be returning home to the good ol' US of A. Then, we have a small US tour in November and December. After that, a break! It will be nice to relax, ride my horses, and basically hang about my estate.

Love all my fans... Come see us live!

Belgian Beauties

We're in Belgium now, half way through our European tour. I absolutely love Belgian women. They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors and flavors. Yum. Nothing like waking up to one of those.

On the other hand.... I have a bottle of wine. No, seriously.... My hotel room has these big mirrors, and everyone knows I try to avoid them as much as possible... in case I see "her."  No, not HER in the photo above (she was fun to SEE)... her!  The Mirror Lady.  Yes, I am insane... so arrest me for it already, but stop talking about it. The media has so much fun with it, so I play around with them. 

(media) "It is rumored that you're schizophrenic."

"Yes, I see a woman... No, I am not schizo."

"Does she follow you around?"

"I'm a rock star... women follow me everywhere.."

Silence. And then... 

"But those women are real. Do you see fake women?"

"Every time I go into a clothing store. They model clothing."

Flushed. "No, I meant women who are not really there."

"In a clothing store? I think Tinkerbell goes to the doll section to get her knickers."

Sighing, "Mr. Bainbridge, why do you hate mirrors?"

"Because they reflect images."

(by this time the reporter is so off his or her roster, they just ask whatever comes to mind). "So...um... you see the image of women in mirrors?"

"If there are women at parties, and there are mirrors, and I look, I see them."

"But... don't you see women in mirrors that are not there?"

"It's very difficult to see anyone in a mirror if the mirror is not there."

(by this time they've discovered their mistake)

"Err..Um... I meant do you see women that are not really there reflected in mirrors?"

"Not women, no."

"Men?"

"Just myself."

"One woman?"

"I love all women! As long as they're gorgeous and will sleep with me..!"

Usually, around this point, they start talking music and about the band..! hahaha

Don't you hate when you sleep with some gorgeous fashion model and she snaps a photo as you wake up?

Next up on the tour... Austria! Who will be my conquest there?

Bonjour Mes Amis

Hello friends. We are here in "Gay Parie" to play the Stade de France. I feel as if my hand might fall off, as I must have signed 1,000 photos of myself at a press conference and meet yesterday!

I practically live in hotel rooms and I can't stand them. Too many mirrors and they're always too big. Like, what's with the steroidal bathroom mirrors in hotels? Pretty hard to cover up and impossible to avoid, even when taking a piss! I am always so afraid my "Mirror Lady" will visit me when I have my penis in my hand. LOL Fortunately, that has not yet happened.

Visited Le Catacombes today. Rarely do I get to do "touristy" stuff when on the road, but since we have a few days here, and jet lag still has me in its grasp (it's 7:17am and I have yet to go to sleep... still on South Carolina time, where it's 1:17am), I decided to be a tourist. Of course, this happens to be their busy season and hundreds of people all waiting to go on down, with a 4 hour wait time did not cut it for me. This is where being famous and rich has its advantages. I was able to buy some time alone in the "tunnels" with the dead! They tried to make me wait until Monday when they are closed to the general public, but we will be in Germany by then!

So, being down in the catacombes gave me time to think. Like for instance, why am I not more upset about my break up with Jess? I miss her, yes. I miss the time we shared together. I miss riding the horses together and watching movies, things like that...ordinary things ordinary people do. My estate is so vast to be alone all the time. Unlike Bruce, who has a wife and a baby on the way. Yet, though I miss her, I do not grieve that she has gone. What does that say? I loved her, but was never IN love with her. Instead I am...what? In love with a delusion in some mirror? Perhaps that explains the note she left me.  Well, it's almost 8:00 in the morning and we have a busy evening, so I suppose I should at least try to get a bit of sleep.  au revoir for now.

Heartbreak!

Jessica left me tonight!  I feel such an ache in my heart yet I understand her reasons for doing so... Such a terrible day! The band's been arguing, so much going on before our tour.... Then I come home to catch her with a man. She said he was her cousin! Yeah right. Without saying a word, I walked away and went upstairs. Jessica came up a short time later.

        “What's wrong?” she asked calmly.

        “Where is he?" I sat on the bed, staring at the door.

         “He left. I told him we needed to talk.”

         “There's nothing to say!”

        She approached me and sat about two feet away. "Dane, I’ve never seen you like this."

        I stood quickly and turned to her. “And I've never seen you with another man before!”

        She rose as well. "I told you he was my cousin. You don't believe me?"

        "Frankly. No!”

        “How dare you!” she screamed in my face. “This coming from a man who screws every woman he meets!”

What sucks most? I slapped her. I've never hit a woman and never fathomed it.

 She left a note on my mirror, the mirror in my bedroom on the antique bureau.... I am feeling so confused right now, and the 3 bottles of wine I have consumed in the last hour have taken their toll. The note is an enigma; something about looking beyond the mirror to see who I really am. Whatever that means!

Perhaps she was tired of my "Mirror Lady," whom I have seen several times this month! Perhaps it was the women she has found photos and videos of... ones recently "conquered," as I call it? What do I do now? Did I love her? I can't answer that question. Life is very complicated. Relationships even more so!

So many question, so few answers. I lose myself in wine and music now!

September 1st we go to Europe to start the next leg of our tour. Then, back to the USA in November for a few more gigs. Home at the end of December. Hopefully, this will keep my mind off Jess.

Funny thing is, here I am, world renowned, famous rock star, women want me, yet I have never felt more alone. Having delusions my entire life (that have yet to be diagnosed despite all the best therapists) doesn't help. The note Jess left me... all about mirrors, about the "Mirror Lady" and about seeing myself. I keep reading it, trying to understand what it all means.

I read about the suicide of comedian Robin Williams. He was one of my favorite comedic actors. Now I feel as if I understand why he killed himself!  I have my music, but where is it going? I have all the money I could ever want or need! I have done it all at a young age, but what do I really have? Meaningless sexcapades? Now, no one waiting for me to come home! I fear gazing into any mirror.... she confuses me. Yet I feel deeply. Something is there! She's a mere delusion. Nothing! A figment of my messed up mind.

I've been having nightmares lately... the few times I do sleep. Usually I am struggling in them, on the edge of death yet somehow hanging on! Yet I wake wondering. Why hang on? Life is too confusing! But I won't give up yet. People look up to me, though why I do not know. I am a public figure. I need to be an inspiration! You haven't a clue the pressure that puts on a person!

Tour deFrance and Walk Through Aiken

The band is getting ready to leave soon, on tour to Europe.  I have to say I prefer to tour the USA because we take the tour buses and don't have to fly. Though I should be used to it, I am just really not a fan of flying. I have done a lot of it in my life and career, but still get some jitters every time I have to get on a plane... especially since 911.  Flying within the US is not too bad and generally shorter flights. But, flying to Europe is always a long trip. We start our tour in France this year... Jessica will not be accompanying us as she has another modeling gig. Why does it always seem she has gigs in the US when we are touring elsewhere? Oh well, C'est laVie.

Speaking of Jessica, we took a long walk today in Hopeland Garden. So pretty this time of year, despite the heat and humidity.  It is east of Hitchcock Woods, where we often take the horses. We live north of the Woods. But, today was just a day for us to enjoy together before we must separate yet again.

Yet another image from a fan... of Jess and I.... This is not a new image, we were saying good bye at the airport in Augusta. I think this was taken a year or so ago.

European Tour Coming Up

The band is getting ready now for our upcoming European tour. I cannot wait to see England again, as I feel as if I have some sort of freakish connection to that country. I can't even imagine why, as I have never been there before our first tour overseas back in 2007. Yet, whenever I go there, I know every town and how far the next town is, though I don't always know the streets.

So, we are starting the tour in England and ending it there before coming back home.

It's been rather nice to be home for these few weeks we've had off (well, not really "off" as musicians never stop working).

On a personal note, I went out to my favorite book and music store to get some more reading material. Edna and Jess always bug me about buying an e-reader or some such gadget, but I really do prefer the old fashioned way of opening a real book and reading it. The smell of paper, the feel of the book's weight and texture in my hands.... I know, I am truly old fashioned.

Most of the books I read are history books, particularly about... you guessed it... England.

I am happy to have Jess back home from her modeling job in Europe (she is very big over there as a model of lingerie)... But she loves to snap photos with her cell phone when I least expect and am least ready. Last night, I was sitting in the day room after a show, munching Chinese food, watching a movie in the buff (good thing I had a sheet over me)... I didn't even know she took this photo! Sneaky isn't she?