On Tour. Lonely, Though Surrounded by People

I don't write much on this anymore. I really see no point. By now, all my fans have read the news, read about my "abduction." But none know what I truly lost while I was gone all those months. For me it was mere days. For the world several months. I aged, the world aged. Yet she does not. Even if she had survived, she would be the same. My forever beauty.

Those that took me, those that tortured me, those that nearly killed me. Still, the scars they left on my body cannot compare to the scar on my heart.

The band is on tour now, traveling from one city to the next. What used to be fun, exciting, a new conquest in each city, is now just a job. A chore. There is no mirror reflecting her image, keeping the loneliness at bay!

I miss the long ginger of her hair, the scent of the wooded lands that clung to her like a welcome home. I miss talking to her, her innocence and her fascination with all the tiniest things in this world that we humans take for granted. She wanted so to see them all, to feel, smell, taste every experience this world of ours has to offer.

If I could return to her world, to change what had been. To know. To take down the threat that took her in my stead, I would try. I would succeed. And she would live on, though I would have perished. Yes, I would gladly have taken her place.

I wish I had more to offer, my dear fans. I still love you all. Bear with me. My life is upside down right now. I hope you will understand. It took months to be able to get dressed, much less leave the estate.

I finally needed to get the dirge I wrote for her out and into the public. "My Timeless Love" has become an instant hit.

Stephan here-- No News on Dane.

I am feeling so helpless. Today, I went to the studio in Atlanta to lay down some of the bass tracks for the latest album, but I don't think it's my best work. I cannot concentrate. At what point do you consider someone dead? Or give up on finding them?  It's been over a month. Nothing. No sign. No clues. Dane is just--gone!

Damn it. Why did I have to be the one to agree to stay here at Dane's home and take care of things? To basically live his life looking for clues as to my friend's disappearance?  Every day is harder than the day before. Though I am also learning things about my friend I never knew. And I'm hoping to find a clue within his life somewhere.

I get up in the morning (which, for me is usually around 11am), go down to the vast kitchen to find my coffee already made by Dane's housemaid, Edna (who calls him Mr. Dane). I sit at the kitchen island and drink my coffee and read the paper (apparently, Dane never read newspapers. Only history books and some novels). So, I started having the paper delivered here. 

I always have the dog and several cats for company as Edna goes about her duties managing the staff, which I counted as 3 people; two for cleaning the mansion, one for taking care of the horses--though I think that is 2 since there's weekday and weekend help. It is amazing how much help Dane relies on. Edna is sweeter than pie. She takes care of the indoor animals. She takes care of Dane. But he is not here so she has been trying to take care of me, but I am rather used to taking care of myself. She makes all his meals, cares for the cats (how many I don't know. I swear I see a new one daily), cares for the dog and manages the staff.

More fans have come by in the last weeks, both male and female. I rarely invite them in. Just the occasional hot chick. But, as time goes by, my worry is starting to effect me in other areas. I am desperately trying to find even the hint of a clue. I don't understand how someone can just...vanish!

Trying to get into Dane's head, his life. The only thing that keeps coming up is that woman both Dane and Bruce saw in the mirror onstage back in December. But who is she??? Does she have anything to do with Dane's disappearance? I need to follow that lead. It's the only one I have. I need to find this woman!

As I always do, to please fans... band photos:

Dane coming out of the shower

Adrian daydreaming

This was a fun shoot of me    

Bruce at some backstage thing about a year ago

The orchestra girls. We do hire local, but these gals are with us most tours.

Exotic Greece

Finishing up the European "shirtless" tour. Only three more gigs, Greece, Portugal and Spain. Actually, we are in Greece now....in Oia Santorini, a luxury cave pool at the Superior Suites. You have to come here and see this. Photos do not do it justice. Just a tiny vaca here... before we head to the Athens for our gig then we are off to Spain.

Greece is one of my all time favorite locations, so I always try to let our booking manager know to allow an extra day or two when we tour here so I may have my relaxation time in one of the gorgeous hotels on the islands. I rent a yacht and sip champagne while getting my tan and enjoying the beautiful weather, perusing these magnificent islands.

Ok, this post is sounding like an ad for a travel brochure. But I really cannot say enough about Greece. Though I do wish I had someone special to share it with... oh sure, there's plenty of women, but to have someone... one special someone...! Oh who am I kidding? I am not exactly known nor loved for my witty banter or fun personality. I drink a lot, I swear and I sleep with every woman who will have me ( provided she's hot). Not exactly relationship material, which is why Jess left I am sure.

So, before we get back to sound checks, tune ups, vocal exercises (for me), rehearsals of songs we've played a million times and hear in our sleep, figuring out set lists and dealing with the media, I am going to enjoy this time out! Thus far, no one has recognized me. I've been taking my daily swim...we all have... a great time to just rest before chaos once again reigns!

The Gullibility of Humans!

So, while touring this area, including Romania, we visited a small village in Serbia that is proported haunted by a famous vampire. According to the tales,

villagers in the tiny western Serbian hamlet of Zarozje, nestled between lush green mountain slopes and spooky thick forests. They say rumors that a legendary vampire ghost has awakened are spreading fear — and a potential tourist opportunity — through the remote village

"The story of Sava Savanovic is a legend, but strange things did occur in these parts back in the old days," said 55-year-old housewife Milka Prokic, holding a string of garlic in one hand and a large wooden stake in another, as an appropriately moody mist rose above the surrounding hills. "We have inherited this legend from our ancestors, and we keep it alive for the younger generations."

Vampire legends have played a prominent part in the Balkans for centuries — most prominently Dracula from Romania's Transylvania region. In the 18th century, the legends sometimes triggered mass hysteria and even public executions of those accused of being vampires.

Sava Savanovic, described by the Zarozje villagers as Serbia's first vampire, reputedly drank the blood of those who came to the small shack in the dense oak tree forest to mill their grain on the clear mountain Rogatica river.

The wooden mill collapsed a few months ago — allegedly angering the vampire, who is now looking for a new place to hang his cape.

Some locals claim they can hear steps cracking dry forest leaves and strange sounds coming from the rocky mountain peaks where the vampire was purportedly killed with a sharp stake that pierced his heart — but managed to survive in spirit as a butterfly. 

Darko Vojinovic/AP

The legend of Sava Savanovic has been passed down over many generations in Zarozje, Serbia.

Personally, I am amazed at how gullible people can be (no offense).... believing in things that just are not there! Like religion and God and Angels and ghosts and all that stuff people need so badly to believe in that their mind actually sees and believes!!! I guess if that's what they need to believe to get through their day.... There have been times I wish I could believe in God again... I was raised Roman Catholic, and brainwashed into believing in what I now see as a cult. But, I got out. I thought for myself. I looked at the cold, hard facts of life. And I realized it's just us and nothing more!

Sorry if this goes against your beliefs. Not my intention to insult anyone. If it gets you through your day, then fine.  And for sure vampires do NOT exist!! I mean, really... Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, etc.  The famous authors made up these creatures based on myths. Just fiction!

I must say I am fascinated by all sorts of culture, history and beliefs. Even if it makes no sense!

Romania--Home for Adrian

We are in Romania now. I tease Adrian all the time, since this is his home. Perhaps I will get to the bottom of his "deal."   As anyone who has followed the band knows, we have always wondered about Adrian.  He is so androgynous in appearance and mysterious about his personal life.  We've played the usual pranks on him... anything to get him to reveal what the hell he is. I mean, yeah he's male, but what's his deal? We think he's like into everything... men, women, B&D, S&M and all the other letters associated with anything kinky.

We're not sure if Adrian is straight, gay, bi or anything in between or around!

The problem is that Adrian has never showed even the slightest hint, even in 10 years, as to what he is... No girlfriends that we know of, no boyfriends. No... nothing. Is there a way to find out what's behind this mysterious drummer?

Stephan and I have been having quite a bit of fun out here in what we call "Dracula land" ... of course Adrian doesn't like that. He is Romanian after all, born here, left for the USA at age 14. It's funny... his accent gets stronger every time we get here. I hear him speaking his native language to locals (of course I can't understand one word) and though when he is on tour or in the United States, his accent is barely noticeable, but here he sounds like a vampire of olde, "Good Evening..." (think Dracula). I think he lets his guard down when he is home.

Stephan warming up before a gig.

"Bună ziua" That is Welcome in Romanian. That's about all I know, other than how to ask for wine.

In Trouble with the Gal

What is it with women? I think I am in trouble with Jess.  It's really not my fault. After rehearsals and 10 hours of work preparing for the Spring Tour, I was absolutely exhausted. I came home and just wanted a bit of rest, a reprieve. Jess had dinner made (I guess Edna has been teaching her my favorite dishes, but unfortunately there was no tuna sandwich available)... Speaking of tuna and off the topic a bit... have you ever ridden Amtrak trains? I kid you not, they have the BEST tuna sandwiches on the planet!!

Anyway, I went into the bathroom off the den (one of the few rooms with a mirror). I was washing my face and hands... and when I looked up... Well, let's just say SHE was there. No not Jess. HER!! I couldn't stop staring. She has such amazing long auburn hair and hypnotic amber eyes. I have just never seen anyone like her. I felt like I wanted to leap into the mirror and grab her!

Needless to say, by the time her image faded, I was enthralled beyond words. And no longer hungry. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge, sat in front of the fireplace in the den and drank.

Jessica came in to let me know dinner was ready, but... well, I was full.... with wine. Oh she was so angry. I must have been a bit drunk because, for all intense and purposes, I told her my secret. The whole thing!! Boy, was she pissed off! She stormed off and I have not seen her since.

So, tell me, what is it with women? I was honest! So, why is she mad at me?

I guess that means more left overs in the fridge.

The Day, Jessica, Pythia and More

I stumbled upon a band/singer today that I really like (with Jessica's help in teaching me internet browsing and a place called YouTube). They are a British band, a little bit like my own band, but not as male oriented, not as orchestral, if that makes sense. In Dark Myst, we chose to be a bit different, and it's worked for us thus far. Me, with roots in classical and 80's glam rock, Bruce with his background in metal, and the others in hard rock and various other areas, we put our unique talents together and, well, came up with what I like to refer to as "Medieval Goth-Glam Orchestral Hard Rock/Metal."  Long name, huh? It has worked well for us as you know!  If I had to compare us, I'd say Aerosmith vs. KISS vs. Trans Siberian Orchestra with a whole bunch of original classic=based composition mixed in. Our hired orchestra consists mostly of stringed instruments (violin, viola, cello, even harp), and of course piano!  Then there's the 4 of us... your basic hard rock/heavy metal. Add our music, which bases its lyrics and sound around what to me sounds like the theme from an action scene in a fantasy movie. Ha ha. If you have seen our live show, you will understand more.

People love the "Goth" moniker added to the name and style, especially when they look at me. I wouldn't call myself Goth, but my silver-blue eyes and jet black hair give way to the stereotype, whether I like it or not... and since I wear the black costume onstage while the rest of the band wears white... well..... Most have to TRY to look like me. I feel like a freak! Ironic, huh?

Anyway, this band is called Pythia. Their female vocalist is pretty hot, but that's not why I like them. They have some really good songs in their line up. Hmmmm. Give them a listen.

In other news, Jessica and I had a bit of a disagreement today. Apparently, she thinks that if I sleep with another woman it's cheating on her and I think that, as long as it means nothing, it's just sex. She's just angry because she told me she loved me and I thanked her. What was I going to say? Did she want me to lie?

Black Friday!

They call today "Black Friday." I'm not really sure why. The color black usually refers to a negative presence, like Satan and other evil mythological creatures.. Though, I wear a black stage costume as opposed to my band mates who wear variations of white. I'm the dark, they are the mist.

Anyway, it was a wonderful Thanksgiving with my parents.Until about a half hour ago, when I showered, and then was looking in the mirror to brush my teeth and SHE appeared.  I want to say that I just drank a whole bottle of wine, but that's not what caused this illusion... the wine is because I DID see her! I saw her, I started to drink. Nice thing about this holiday, there's always wine!  Christmas always carries with it spiced Egg Nog.

I don't tell anyone this, but since I do not advertise this blog, I am sure no one will see it. Not right away anyway.

Maybe this is the booze talking... but, I have a confession to make. I think it's called a delusion or hallucination. I have been seeing her in mirrors since I was ... well, I think since I was born. At least that is what it feels like. When you look into a mirror, do you see someone who is not there? Schizophrenia?

Yeah, ok... crazy rock star here. The drink makes me handle it better. Don't over-judge me. People tend to do that. I spend a goodly amount in the company of many people... all types of people. I have earned the right to judge. Yet, I can't say a bad word about my fans. If it were not for them, I wouldn't be where I am now. Yes, I drink. But, what would YOU do if you were delusional from birth and needed to hide it from public view? Is this what they call 'mental illness' or am I "special?"

Anyway, I did no work today. Vacation and all. If it is possible for a musician to NOT work! We always have songs in our head, ideas filtering about in there. I go everywhere with a notepad for writing lyrics that come into my head. I also have a recorder in case I have a tune in mind. Eventually, it becomes a song.

Back to this Black Friday... If you think I will be standing in those stores at the wee hours, just to snag a few bucks' deal, you're crazier than I am. And that is crazy!  ha ha!

Night all!