On Tour. Lonely, Though Surrounded by People

I don't write much on this anymore. I really see no point. By now, all my fans have read the news, read about my "abduction." But none know what I truly lost while I was gone all those months. For me it was mere days. For the world several months. I aged, the world aged. Yet she does not. Even if she had survived, she would be the same. My forever beauty.

Those that took me, those that tortured me, those that nearly killed me. Still, the scars they left on my body cannot compare to the scar on my heart.

The band is on tour now, traveling from one city to the next. What used to be fun, exciting, a new conquest in each city, is now just a job. A chore. There is no mirror reflecting her image, keeping the loneliness at bay!

I miss the long ginger of her hair, the scent of the wooded lands that clung to her like a welcome home. I miss talking to her, her innocence and her fascination with all the tiniest things in this world that we humans take for granted. She wanted so to see them all, to feel, smell, taste every experience this world of ours has to offer.

If I could return to her world, to change what had been. To know. To take down the threat that took her in my stead, I would try. I would succeed. And she would live on, though I would have perished. Yes, I would gladly have taken her place.

I wish I had more to offer, my dear fans. I still love you all. Bear with me. My life is upside down right now. I hope you will understand. It took months to be able to get dressed, much less leave the estate.

I finally needed to get the dirge I wrote for her out and into the public. "My Timeless Love" has become an instant hit.

Post from Bruce Tomkin. MISSING!

I am sure by now most have heard the news that Dane has gone missing and no one knows where he is. It was in the Aiken news, as well as all over the world, I am sure. I have not been watching, as all of us are very concerned.

I did not even know he was keeping up with this blog until I came here to his home yesterday and saw it open on his laptop. I looked through it to see if there is any clue as to Dane's whereabouts, but it says nothing and gives no hints. I decided since his fans read this, I would put up this post on Dane's blog in order to reach out to all. If anyone has any clues, please let us know!

All I can tell you is that when his maid, Edna came to work yesterday morning, Dane was not here. She said his cars were in the garage, nothing was touched. The house doors were locked from the inside and no windows were broken. Police said they saw no signs of a struggle of any kind.

I can't really tell you any more than his blog already has. He stated he was going for a ride on one of his horses, despite the rain. But both horses were stabled. The stable hand who cares for the animals stated to police that she saw signs Camelot had been ridden by some "unbrushed sweat marks on his back." but, she said, all the tack was hung up and in its usual place, so that rules out the chance he had fallen and was lying in a ditch somewhere. In any event, there is a massive search on in Aiken and especially around the area of Hitchcock Woods near his house. They are fingerprinting everything, and I had to get special permission just to post on his computer.

They have scoured the house thoroughly. The police said it looks like he had showered and shaved, and they found a recently used towel in his bedroom. Otherwise, he's just--gone!

I have to tell you we are all very worried. We had rescheduled our tour for January, after Dane's collapse onstage this month. And I have to be honest, I wonder if there's any connection to the woman I saw in that mirror onstage before Dane collapsed and his going missing, though I cannot imagine how that would be. Having spoken to Dane about it, this is not a new occurrence for him.

For now, we cannot even speculate on what might have happened to him. We are just hoping he shows up (alive, please), and this is some strange misunderstanding.

--Bruce Tomkin, Aiken, SC

Being Sick, Being Bummed.

I am still sick. Since it's moved into my throat, I can't sing. There's nothing more disconcerting to a singer than opening their mouth only to have a squeak come out. More rest. About the only thing I did today, besides work on my music (on the piano, no singing), was to spend some time with my horses. I also went out for a bit to the store to get some wine, vodka and tequila, though I have not touched a drop in 2 days. I have spent far too much time in the bathroom due to all the tea I've been consuming. And honey. I think I can keep the honey market in business. I tried it heated, which is very soothing.

To add insult to injury, I opened a magazine and saw a photo of my ex, Jessica.  I felt a sudden sadness and emptiness. When she lived here, the house seemed full and my bed never empty. I did not even realize I missed her. But it's times like this when the house is so empty and I am alone (other than a bunch of cats). God, how pathetic is that? Coming up on my 30th birthday and I am already an old crazy cat lady!! That was another thing Jessica and I did together. As both animal people, we helped shelters, did charities and rescued cats.

She took her two cats when she left but I still have my six. And my dog. He's always at my side and I adore my pets, but Jessica was a much better conversationalist.

I guess I was so angry at her for leaving, I let myself forget. I can't say I am in love with her. I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know! But if I have to describe love, then what I felt for Jessica came close.

Well, my throat had better heal within the next few days. We have much rehearsing to do and I need to be able to sing!

I may not want to admit it, but I do miss Jessica.

I wish I could see her again. If only to understand where we went wrong. Okay, I get it, I slept with other women, but in my defense, Jessica was just a girl I was sleeping with who moved into my house. I had no intentions beyond a roommate with amazing benefits. Maybe I made a mistake.

Party Time!

At the moment I am at a party. I'm a bit lit up like a Christmas tree, so don't mind my grammar. We are at Stephan's home. He wanted to have a Thanksgiving party for the band, crew, fans and all. He let me use his computer... in his office, away from the crowd. I will tell you why.

There are a lot of fans here..., women fans. Stephan is great for pulling them in. I have been harassed all night. Not that I mind a good lay or two with a very willing fan... but there must have been ten women hounding me as if I am the Dali Lama all night. I guess I felt a bit "overwhelmed" and I have already done 3 women tonight since I arrived. I'm out of condoms and I am tired. I want to relax with the band, friends... I cannot believe I am saying this... no sex, just drink and converse! I took a few photos for those fans that couldn't be here tonight.

Bruce hangs with party goers.

Adrian knows how to party with fans

Not sure where this one came from... I am in the back!

Stephan's party... think he could look a bit happier?

This is the party before the tour. In this way, fans who can make it get as chance to meet us, they get autographs, they get to talk to us and more... It's difficult on the road, especially with a packed tour. Often fans get insulted if we rush away, don't sign autographs, don't meet them. But you have to understand... we do 1 or 2 shows a NIGHT. As the lead singer, this can take a toll on my voice. I try not to talk too much on these short tours. I drinks lots of tea with honey. I keep my vocal cords limber with exercises. I need a lot of rest!  I hate when I have to walk by fans and only sign a few programs, shirts, etc. and leave more behind.

Please understand we are exhausted. Just like you, we are only human.  We work hard for you, to give you the best show, the best experience possible. So, Stephan hosted the party this year, for the fans. Often, we have it in a hall. This year at his home... a very unique deal.

As I said before, this will be a short tour. We will have no time for Meet & Greets this tour. Some will get the usual backstage passes and we will of course meet those fans. There's always something of a get together after each show. Then it's on to the next venue.

So.... as I am a bit drunk, on Stephan's computer, and ready to fall asleep, I am going to head away. I will stay overnight here tonight, so no worries about driving home the 2.5 hours back to Aiken. The tour starts in a week or so....

See you all on the road!!

Not a Normal Life

It's not like my life has ever been normal. But today pushed the boundaries of that normalcy beyond even my limits. Since the Jag is still laid up, I took the Ferrari out to that new music and book store I told you about previously. Of course, since today was the release of our latest CD, which stupid me forgot because Bruce the slave driver has me working furiously on this new song, I walked into this store unprepared. A storm was brewing. Then I walked in and found my own face right smack in front of me on one of those cardboard displays, but what was worse... the huge TV displaying one of our music videos in concert. Ugh. I generally would disguise myself with brown contacts and my hair up in a baseball cap. All I wanted was a book for Christ's sake. A little time to be a human.

I ran to the back of the store to the History Department. Anyone who knows me knows how I love to read history books.  I didn't even think, I just grabbed some leather bound book off the shelf to hide my face. I still felt like I was being watched!

Long story short, this old lady accused me of being dead!! How the hell can I be dead when I am right here?? I guess I resembled some guy she knew back long before I was born! WTF!

After leaving the store, in my car, I thought I saw "her" in the rear view mirror, but when I looked, I saw only myself. Phew.

To make a strange day even stranger, I bought that book and went home to finish working. After being reprimanded for my tardiness on getting this song done, Bruce left.  Christ, the tour isn't for another month! And it's a short tour.  But Bruce is so on edge because his wife is so close to her due date. He nearly snapped my head off, though, when I mentioned postponing the tour. He wouldn't have it.

I finally was able to relax in my library with my dog and read.  What the hell happened after that, I can't explain very well. Words can't compare. I read a passage about some knight way back in the 17th century in England.  I got dizzy, and the strangest feelings came over me. I swear I had only one glass of wine. Nothing else!

There's something in my life that is complicated and cannot be explained through rational means. I just do not yet know what it is. The rest is such a blur. Now you know why I feel that I am crazy and keep much of this stuff hidden. I've been lucky the media doesn't find this blog or they'd have a field day. Not that rock stars aren't well known for being nuts, but this is a whole different type of crazy.

Some weird revelation came to me tonight about that knight I read about in the book. But, it must be just my imagination playing tricks, right? I was in my room when it came to me. After, I went down to the kitchen for a glass of wine! Now, it's after 2 am and I need sleep!

Welcome to the bazaar life of Dane!!!

New Book Store, Life on the Road and Sex

Sex always gets people reading. I can't blame them. It's the greatest thing on earth. But y'a ll already know who I am and that, besides music, my next biggest hobby is sex.

And I love to read. Especially history books. Well, tomorrow is the grand opening of a new music and bookstore here in S.C. (despite the bad weather of late. T-Storms today, lots of flash flood warnings). It also happens to be the release date of Dark Myst's new CD. I plan to visit the store for some new books. With a few tour dates coming up,  I will need some reading material. The others get on my ass about the amount of books I bring on the bus, but I have not embraced those 21st century e-readers yet.

This will be a complete bus tour.  It is short--a continuation of the summer's tour--only a month and a half.  I am not crazy about spending over a month on the road, new city EVERY night, not having a decent bath at a hotel. But, we won't have time for hotels in this particular tour. It's the bus all the way. Since Bruce made sure we have a brand new bus for just the four of us, I am hoping he also ordered a decent shower. I prefer baths, but one cannot be picky on the road.

Buses can have luxuries. Showers are rarely good. 

I miss home, I miss my animals, but look forward to traveling. Sometimes I get more rest on the road than I do at home. When home it's all work, recording, getting everything ready, marketing, etc. On the road, it's mostly sitting around while driving from state to state, watching movies, reading, talking, planning and playing games. You'd be surprised how much silence there can be with just the four of us on one bus. We are often engrossed in our own interests, warming up, going over songs, writing songs, texting (the others more than me), watching movies and reading (that would be me).

I spend a lot of time in my bunk, getting rest. I like to relax in there in private, curtain closed, and read or watch a movie. Or take a nap. I like to be very prepared and awake, but the drone of the road makes me tired.

Since Bruce banned fans on our bus while moving, I have to get in what I can when I can in my bunk. Not always a comfortable situation. But sex anywhere is better than none. I do prefer hotels.

Our new bus has many comforts and luxuries we didn't have before, so I am rather excited to travel in it. I have not even seen it yet. I guess there's a nice lounge in the back with a big HDTV and all the stations we could want. Good. I like to watch fantasy movies and certain TV shows. I am not a big fan of "reality TV" except this show called "My Cat From Hell" with this interesting character, who claims to be a musician by night and a cat behaviorist by day!

Well, off to bed. I have a song to finish that Bruce wants to put on the set list for the tour. I have a few changes I have to remember to the rider as well (for those who are confused, the rider is a list of those things we band members want on the road... food and such).

Check us out on tour!!!

Monday is the Day

Adrian came back from...well, wherever it is he goes. We asked him about the photo, which I mentioned in my last post. He said the guy in the photo was "just a friend" he went to visit, whom he had not seen in a long time!

I don't know... doesn't look like a casual encounter to me.  He said they traveled around Romania and Europe just to experience the sights. I know it is hard to be a tourist when one is on the road working all the time. We go into a town and barely have time to breathe and sleep before showtime, then it is off to the next city. Adrian stated, in his "Dracula" type accent, that he likes to "get away from it and just be a person."

He did do a bit of a photo shoot over there, here is one photo he allowed us:

Looks a bit sketchy to me. I told him it looks as if he's heading into a hot tub with his male friend. Hah!  Who am I to talk? My ass has been published everywhere. It should bring us publicity, at least in Romania where the shoot was, and as a musician, one can never have too much publicity. You're only as good as your last album. In this day and age, if you even slow down on marketing, branding and promoting, you're gone. It's constant work. Your label does some work, but you have to be behind it pushing at all times.

I have heard, esp from Bruce, what it was like 20 year ago or so.... You  put out an album, toured to promote it and voila! You were a star!  Ok, maybe not that easy. But simpler than today!

Today, all these "indie" musicians are home making CD's and putting them online to buy. I have no problem with that, it's that anyone, no matter how much they stink, can record a CD. If they tour around enough to advertise, they eventually make a name for themselves and then they eventually become famous, even to a small extent.  Rarely are bands "discovered" into instant success. I say that only because we were sort of "discovered" seven years ago. We worked our asses off for it though. We all have fantastic musical backgrounds and we all have tremendous talent. Plus, we put on an amazing show. It's not just about the music, it's about the show! I have a really hard time with these bands that look like they stepped in off the street and just stand there onstage and play. Their music can be good, but with nothing to watch, I get bored. They need more than music. They need a gimick, a show!!

I  think I might start a grant fund for up and coming good musicians to be "discovered" and skip all the red tape.

The Media Knows More Than Us

You would be surprised at the things that photojournalists capture, particular if you are someone famous. The band has had this week off, getting some good rest in before we go back out on the road in December. As usual Adrian's whereabouts remain a mystery. Everything about our drummer is an enigma, as all of you know.

Time and again, my sexcapades have been published for all to see (even some rather risque photos). Bruce's marriage and accusations of infidelity (all false) fill the tabloids. Stephan also has had more than his share of rumors spread about him. The strawberry blond Southern Boy living life as a sex God rock star! But then we have Adrian. Romian import. Shy. Stays behind his drums and rarely ever lets anyone in, not the media, not even us! His bandmates. He spends more time with us than anyone else. We are on the road together almost all year. He watches movies with us, talks and plays card games, even drinks and smokes weed with us. But never has he revealed anything about his private life. When the drumsticks leave his hands and the tour bus is put away, he is gone. We don't see him unless it's band business. Every now and then he will show up at a party or event, always alone.

Female fans hit on him all the time, but he merely excuses himself and heads off to his dressing room or the bus or hotel room. We have never once seen him take a woman, or even a man, to his room. Never seen him show interest in any gender. He is an enigma and he knows we all want to know. We've always wanted to know what is going on inside that all too feminine looking head of his. He's a great musician, and he says that should be enough. He tells us it is no one's business but his! We often ponder on why he became a professional musician, for his lifestyle is so contradictory to the norm. But he makes it work--somehow!  Until now...

It's not much to go on, but a recent photo surfaced on the internet depicting our very own Adrian with his arm around... someone. This photo was taken recently and he is away again on one of his mystery excursions so we cannot contact him. Is this person with him a man or woman? It appears that Adrian sees the camera... is that a sly grin or a sudden realization?  How funny is it that I (and the others) are pondering this photo as if we were outsiders with no connection to this guy whatsoever. When he gets back from wherever it is, we will ask him about this photo.

Is Adrian mocking our lack of knowledge of his personal life?

In the meantime, we have many guesses. All of us think this is a guy because Adrian is 5'11" and how many chicks are taller than that? A Model? So... if this is a dude he has his arm around, does that mean Adrian is gay? Or is this a relative and caught in a "brotherly" moment?

I cannot believe I am doing this... writing a blog anyone can see, speculating about my own bandmate and friend. He always says his private life is his own business, and I suppose it is. But to share nothing with us? In ten years?  Granted, he is the "baby" of the band. He started with us at age 17... or should I say we started with him, as he and Stephan knew one another before Bruce and I met up with them. And even Stephan, who has known him longest, hasn't a clue to his personal life. He has known Adrian a year before the rest of us and he said he never thought to ask.

What do you think?

Accident, Mirror Lady and Band News

So much going on right now, I don't know where to start. You will have to excuse me, it's been a rough week and I have drunk more than my normal dose of wine tonight. It is amazing I can type. Anyway... someone plowed into the rear of my Jaguar today!  There was a bit of fog. I was stopped waiting for the truck in front of me to turn when I heard the crunch and felt the jolt. No one was injured. My car took a bit of damage in the right rear bumper, but the other guy's insurance will cover it.

In other news, I was reminded today why I stay away from mirrors. She came to visit again today... it was as if she knew I had been in an accident, and even though I wasn't hurt at all, the stress of going through all this insurance bullshit is a pain. Now I must rely on the new Ferrari and that car is not always practical to drive wherever I wish to go.

The band is recording again, but I cannot tell you what we are recording, as all of it will be on the next CD. This will be the 2015 tour. Like I mentioned before, we have a few more U.S. dates in December then we take the holidays off. Adrian always returns to Romania for the holidays, Bruce spends it with Caitlyn, Stephan has his mom, dad and siblings. Me... I usually go back to Connecticut and spend time with my mom and dad. And that is what I will do this year. I leave the 21st and return back here the 30th.

I have a few concerts I want to see while I am in New England. Small time stuff, indie musicians and bands. Amazing how much talent is yet to be discovered. If no one was ever "discovered" who would make it?

Exotic Greece

Finishing up the European "shirtless" tour. Only three more gigs, Greece, Portugal and Spain. Actually, we are in Greece now....in Oia Santorini, a luxury cave pool at the Superior Suites. You have to come here and see this. Photos do not do it justice. Just a tiny vaca here... before we head to the Athens for our gig then we are off to Spain.

Greece is one of my all time favorite locations, so I always try to let our booking manager know to allow an extra day or two when we tour here so I may have my relaxation time in one of the gorgeous hotels on the islands. I rent a yacht and sip champagne while getting my tan and enjoying the beautiful weather, perusing these magnificent islands.

Ok, this post is sounding like an ad for a travel brochure. But I really cannot say enough about Greece. Though I do wish I had someone special to share it with... oh sure, there's plenty of women, but to have someone... one special someone...! Oh who am I kidding? I am not exactly known nor loved for my witty banter or fun personality. I drink a lot, I swear and I sleep with every woman who will have me ( provided she's hot). Not exactly relationship material, which is why Jess left I am sure.

So, before we get back to sound checks, tune ups, vocal exercises (for me), rehearsals of songs we've played a million times and hear in our sleep, figuring out set lists and dealing with the media, I am going to enjoy this time out! Thus far, no one has recognized me. I've been taking my daily swim...we all have... a great time to just rest before chaos once again reigns!

Ahhh the Netherlands...

We're in the Netherlands, which is cool. I really like it here. I heard about a small club playing local bands and so decided to go check it out on my night off.  Stephan and I headed on over there. Of course I wore my dark contacts and a hat with my hair up in it. Often, I then get mistaken for Ian Somerhalder, an actor! "No, dude. Rock and Roll, man. Not vampires!"  hah!

Anyway, death metal, black metal and the like are common over in Europe and the Netherlands has no small population of small bands. Stephan and I felt rather old among so many kids, but I believe in supporting them. After all, we were all young once, all just starting out. But I do it without revealing my identity. Though many knew we were in town, no one seemed to recognize us. We remained upstairs in this seedy little dark nightclub, watching over the rail. Just two amongst the crowd.

Some of the bands committed, to me, the ultimate crime--stage "costumes" of jeans, t-shirts and street shoes!  Anyone who knows me is well aware of my aversion to going onstage looking as if you stepped off the street!  C'mon... imagination people! Stand out!

But there were a few kids who made an impression... some with their stage presence and costumes, others with their music. Put the two together and these kids might go somewhere. I saw some potential there. Some, I saw fear but knew when that faded, potential might rear itself.

I shot a few photos...

This kid has the look! A bit too "Gene Simmons" for my taste, but he at least had a bit of musicianship, if he can get past his obvious stage fright. And a 5-string bass... but could he play it? According to Stephan, he had improvements to make but wasn't bad.

These kids, I think, had the best potential at least as far as stage presence. They knew how to work an audience, which can get you farther than you might think. The only thing they need is practice. The drummer had talent.. definite potential there. Unfortunately, with all the screaming, death metal is not really my thing. I want to hear definitive music and lyrics--a melody! Again, these kids seemed to steal their look from KISS (They really need to retire already!) otherwise, they had the most potential.




All in all it was an interesting evening, and since this small night club was not far from our hotel, it was easy to hop on over and then  back again without anyone realizing we were with "thjat band" that was playing down the road!

Feeling Empty Without Her

It's 06:45 here in foggy England. I can no longer get back to sleep! I sit here on the floor with this tiny computer on my lap, drinking warm wine from last night and feeling empty inside.

I had slept fairly peacefully, until I was woken by that mother of all urges we all get in the middle of the night.... need to hit the loo.

When I came back out, however, the street lights that shone in my hotel room window revealed movement in the mirror over the dresser, and when I dared to peek, I saw her... Quickly, I snatched a robe off the chair and covered myself. Since when have I ever been shy in front of the ladies? But this one is different. I mean, where does she come from? Why is she there? What does she want? Is she really there at all, or in my mind?

As usual, I couldn't draw my stare away! She was standing in sunlight, which seemed to shine through the mirror and strike me. I could see the reddish glow along my body and even along the top of the dresser, mating with the lights from the window. Very strange. She reached her hand forward and touched the glass.... yet she was not in the room with me... as if looking at me from the other side of a window! I took a step forward and saw a tear in her eye, and why this moved me so much I still can't explain.

She was there perhaps a minute and then her image flickered and faded away. I realized I had been holding my breath! As I released it out, I felt dizzy so I slumped onto the floor, the robe in my lap. After a few moments, I grabbed this little computer and started to write this entry. Just had to get this out! My brain is boggled. I just want to sleep and feel normal again.

England and Bonnie Scotland

We've arrived in England. I do not know why, but something about this country always makes me feel odd. I cannot describe it. Have you ever had a dream that felt so real you could have sworn it happened even after you woke? It's something like that, except this is no dream!

Anyway, I rarely get time, but when I do, I like to visit at least one local sight, so I took a trip to Stonehenge. I think at least 5 women followed me out and I went home with one! She was finer than frog hair--Mmm!

Why must fans always snap photos? Not the best picture, as most aren't--she took me by complete surprise as I came out of the loo!

In any event, we are in the UK for a few days, then off to Spain. I prefer to stay in the hotel in that country. The women are gorgeous, of course, but many of their recreational activities involve animal abuse, which I am wholly against. Bull fighting, running of the bulls... what do these people have against bulls already?

In October, we will be returning home to the good ol' US of A. Then, we have a small US tour in November and December. After that, a break! It will be nice to relax, ride my horses, and basically hang about my estate.

Love all my fans... Come see us live!

Heartbreak!

Jessica left me tonight!  I feel such an ache in my heart yet I understand her reasons for doing so... Such a terrible day! The band's been arguing, so much going on before our tour.... Then I come home to catch her with a man. She said he was her cousin! Yeah right. Without saying a word, I walked away and went upstairs. Jessica came up a short time later.

        “What's wrong?” she asked calmly.

        “Where is he?" I sat on the bed, staring at the door.

         “He left. I told him we needed to talk.”

         “There's nothing to say!”

        She approached me and sat about two feet away. "Dane, I’ve never seen you like this."

        I stood quickly and turned to her. “And I've never seen you with another man before!”

        She rose as well. "I told you he was my cousin. You don't believe me?"

        "Frankly. No!”

        “How dare you!” she screamed in my face. “This coming from a man who screws every woman he meets!”

What sucks most? I slapped her. I've never hit a woman and never fathomed it.

 She left a note on my mirror, the mirror in my bedroom on the antique bureau.... I am feeling so confused right now, and the 3 bottles of wine I have consumed in the last hour have taken their toll. The note is an enigma; something about looking beyond the mirror to see who I really am. Whatever that means!

Perhaps she was tired of my "Mirror Lady," whom I have seen several times this month! Perhaps it was the women she has found photos and videos of... ones recently "conquered," as I call it? What do I do now? Did I love her? I can't answer that question. Life is very complicated. Relationships even more so!

So many question, so few answers. I lose myself in wine and music now!

September 1st we go to Europe to start the next leg of our tour. Then, back to the USA in November for a few more gigs. Home at the end of December. Hopefully, this will keep my mind off Jess.

Funny thing is, here I am, world renowned, famous rock star, women want me, yet I have never felt more alone. Having delusions my entire life (that have yet to be diagnosed despite all the best therapists) doesn't help. The note Jess left me... all about mirrors, about the "Mirror Lady" and about seeing myself. I keep reading it, trying to understand what it all means.

I read about the suicide of comedian Robin Williams. He was one of my favorite comedic actors. Now I feel as if I understand why he killed himself!  I have my music, but where is it going? I have all the money I could ever want or need! I have done it all at a young age, but what do I really have? Meaningless sexcapades? Now, no one waiting for me to come home! I fear gazing into any mirror.... she confuses me. Yet I feel deeply. Something is there! She's a mere delusion. Nothing! A figment of my messed up mind.

I've been having nightmares lately... the few times I do sleep. Usually I am struggling in them, on the edge of death yet somehow hanging on! Yet I wake wondering. Why hang on? Life is too confusing! But I won't give up yet. People look up to me, though why I do not know. I am a public figure. I need to be an inspiration! You haven't a clue the pressure that puts on a person!

Tour deFrance and Walk Through Aiken

The band is getting ready to leave soon, on tour to Europe.  I have to say I prefer to tour the USA because we take the tour buses and don't have to fly. Though I should be used to it, I am just really not a fan of flying. I have done a lot of it in my life and career, but still get some jitters every time I have to get on a plane... especially since 911.  Flying within the US is not too bad and generally shorter flights. But, flying to Europe is always a long trip. We start our tour in France this year... Jessica will not be accompanying us as she has another modeling gig. Why does it always seem she has gigs in the US when we are touring elsewhere? Oh well, C'est laVie.

Speaking of Jessica, we took a long walk today in Hopeland Garden. So pretty this time of year, despite the heat and humidity.  It is east of Hitchcock Woods, where we often take the horses. We live north of the Woods. But, today was just a day for us to enjoy together before we must separate yet again.

Yet another image from a fan... of Jess and I.... This is not a new image, we were saying good bye at the airport in Augusta. I think this was taken a year or so ago.

Hurricane Arthur and Touring

 I am the only member of the band who lives inland, as I prefer country to the bustle of the shoreline. I am also the only one who didn't feel too much of the brunt of this new hurricane, Arthur. We did get some pretty nasty rain and wind and thunder and lightning. But nothing like what they experienced on the coast. Because of that, we decided to cancel the recording and rehearsal sessions we had planned earlier to get ready to go back out on tour.

Yesterday was a bit crazy. A lady fan found my home... this happens once in awhile. The gate was open and so she made her way in. I wasn't doing anything special, actually I had just gotten up and was in my bathrobe, so I invited her in. I'm not used to this girlfriend stuff.... Jessica came home and accused me later of cheating... this time I really wasn't! What is it with women anyway?

Speaking of which, I think I need to take my girlfriend's cell phone away.....

European Tour Coming Up

The band is getting ready now for our upcoming European tour. I cannot wait to see England again, as I feel as if I have some sort of freakish connection to that country. I can't even imagine why, as I have never been there before our first tour overseas back in 2007. Yet, whenever I go there, I know every town and how far the next town is, though I don't always know the streets.

So, we are starting the tour in England and ending it there before coming back home.

It's been rather nice to be home for these few weeks we've had off (well, not really "off" as musicians never stop working).

On a personal note, I went out to my favorite book and music store to get some more reading material. Edna and Jess always bug me about buying an e-reader or some such gadget, but I really do prefer the old fashioned way of opening a real book and reading it. The smell of paper, the feel of the book's weight and texture in my hands.... I know, I am truly old fashioned.

Most of the books I read are history books, particularly about... you guessed it... England.

I am happy to have Jess back home from her modeling job in Europe (she is very big over there as a model of lingerie)... But she loves to snap photos with her cell phone when I least expect and am least ready. Last night, I was sitting in the day room after a show, munching Chinese food, watching a movie in the buff (good thing I had a sheet over me)... I didn't even know she took this photo! Sneaky isn't she?

On the Road Again...

We had a very crazy day today. We've been on the road less than a week and Bruce is up to his crazy stunts, with Stephan and a member of the orchestra (Bobby) and his body guard as cohorts. This time they chose to play a joke on Cameron, which made me feel better, as it is so often on me!

I think I've mentioned before that Cameron is sort of an enigma, even to us who are closest to him. I mean, I have know this dude ten freaking years and I still don't know if he's gay, straight, into dolls or what! Of course, there's been many practical jokes through the years aimed at getting him to spill the beans. Nothing worked. Stephan is always making comments about whether Cameron even has any junk, ya know. Hah! Living in close proximity to other guys, you tend to see just about everything, every part of them, like it or not... especially when booze or drugs get involved. But Cameron, nope... he never even gets down to so much as his skivvies unless he's in a hotel room alone (and even that's a guess).

So, last night, Bruce, Stephan and gang decided to see for themselves. I was not involved in this one, but caught the "show" in person. I'd had several bottles of wine and was entertaining a couple lady fans in the front lounge of the bus as we were parked behind the venue. We were leaving the same night so once our "entertaining" was over, everyone would be kicked out and we'd head back on the road to the next city. Yeah, we had a "curfew."

About a half hour before we were to take off, Cameron came onto the bus. Stephan had paid some fan, or hooker, I don't know... to play the part. They wanted to see if Cameron would take the bait. As soon as he boarded, she was there. She took his hand and led him into the bowels of the bus. You should have seen the confused look on his face! He hadn't a clue why this strange girl was taking him into the middle of where we were all sitting, entertaining, drinking, partying. Like all of us, he was accustomed to women trying to get his attention, but he must have thought "wow, how bold is this one!"  We were all stifling our laughter. It took some acting to pretend nothing abnormal was going down.

Like I said, it's not unusual for any one of us to grab the attention of the ladies. I don't know why, but for some reason, rock stars are a big turn on for women! Even those that show no interest. And that's Cameron. He just looked confused.

As soon as she had him where she wanted him (where she had been paid and told to take him), She threw her arms around his neck and started kissing him. I swear he turned white as a ghost. Stephan was taping this on his cell phone and Bruce was stifling laughter. I just sat there, one lady on my lap, another beside me, watching and smiling.

I don't know how, but somehow I ended up involved in this prank. The girl in my lap (don't ask me for names, I never remember) slid down and unzipped my jeans. Okaaaay. Wasn't the first time I'd been indiscreet in front of all....!  She started to give me the blow job of the century. I tried to watch what was going on with Cameron, but it was rather difficult to concentrate with her warm lips on me, ya know. But I did see the "hooker" go down on her knees.... she unzipped Cameron's jeans so fast... I've never seen anyone move so fast to get another person un-pants. I don't know if Cameron was in shock or liked it... she actually got his pants down to his knees... all his junk showing... well, at least we know he has junk....before he grabbed his pants, pulled them back up and practically sprinted out of the bus.

What happened after that, I have no clue. I don't care. The pretty lady servicing me did a magnificent job, and my mind was lost by this time. When I came out of my "climax-induced coma" everyone was laughing... not at me, but at what had happened to Cameron. Personally, my mind was more on the fact that I had been completely and utterly satisfied, was drunk ad happy, than on Cameron's dilemma.

The rest is a blur, because I think I stumbled to my bunk and fell asleep (when I woke I was naked from the waist down, so I must have removed my pants at some point, not sure when). But, Cameron was back on the bus and we were moving--all fans and hookers had left.

Today, I got most of the story. I guess Cameron took off, humiliated. Bruce, Mr. Reasonable, took off after him. I haven't got a clue what was said, but Bruce convinced him to come back. Bruce said to him that it was his own fault... I mean, c'mon... we all wanted to be sure we'd been traveling for the last 7 years with a dude and not some hermaphrodite or something. I laughed at the story, and the video Stephan showed me after (which included a few seconds of me getting my thrill on). As long as it doesn't end up on YouTube, I don't care. We're all pretty good at keeping these private moments between us close friends.

Moral to this tale? Cameron is a guy for sure... but what his preferences are, we may never know!

Tour Starting Soon and More....

Today is... what.... Uhhhh Monday by the east coast clock! hahaha. Wow... we start the new tour in a week or so... I can't believe how fast that time went by. Jessica has taken good care of me, in case you were concerned. We will be starting the tour very well rehearsed and relaxed. My head is fine, no scar shows...we have acquired a new tour bus to replace the one that was in the crash. Too bad since that one was brand new!

Today, no rehearsal, so to find something to do I tried my hand at searching the web. I found some great bands to listen to... and some fantastic up and comers. I know, that news is boring.

Right at the moment, I am listening to some 80's metal (ie Black Sabbath) and drinking wine... 3 bottles down, 5 to go. hahaha

I sat at the piano and started a new song today... no info yet on that except that it will not be out for the next album. So, you'll have to wait for that one.

Jessica is asleep, which makes this big house seem all that much larger. Edna has fone home for the day. Sometimes I walk through the halls of this big Gothic Revival with its maze of halls and rooms everywhere, and wonder what life really is all about... after several bottles I get a bit deep. And then I start to wonder why, besides being able to, I would buy such a huge house when I live alone. Well, I lived alone when I moved here. Now Jessica lives with me, and Edna and her family stay here when I am away on tour. I assume Jess will stay here too. Unless she decides to come on tour with us, which I prefer she didn't.

Usually, she has work to do and can't.

So, what is on your mind tonight? I love to hear your thoughts.

Don't you just love fans?

Communication and its Necessity

So... I had a long talk with Jessica today. I explained to her that what I said was the truth. I really do see this Mirror Lady.... it's random, but it's been happening my entire life. Maybe I am mentally ill, I don't know. But when I see her, I can't control the emotions. I become lost and confused. I feel things I am not accustomed to feeling.

She forgave me last night's discrepancy. I can't blame her for having trouble understanding. Would you? I took her out for a fancy dinner so we could talk in public, over a nice setting. I was so nervous, I could barely eat. I really like Jess, and want her to be happy.

I swore to her it is all true. I am still not sure if she believes me or not. She said she believed that I believed it... isn't that a euphemism for "I don't really believe you, I think you are nuts"???

Since we arrived home, I have had 3 bottles of wine and 2 slippery nipples. I know.... I drink too much. Kinda hard to avoid when you see one woman in your mirrors and a "real" women is right there in front of you...ready to have a life with you. I feel like I am being torn in 2 directions. Ripped in half. Trust me, it is not a good feeling.

It will be nice to get away on tour and leave all this bullshit behind me. Plenty of women on tour... None that have expectations beyond the carnal!